In common usage, when we say we're obsessed with something, we mean we are fascinated by or enjoy it. For instance, I'm obsessed with the study of consciousness or with my two wiener dogs.
In Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, we're talking about something very different.
To oversimplify a little bit, someone with OCD has a broken internal alarm system- the parts of the brain that notice and motivate us to address threats are hypersensitive and hyperactive. So much so that even a thought can create the amount of anxiety we would typically expect to experience when finding a tiger in the bathroom.
Because beliefs are formed based on how we FEEL about things, the more powerful emotion we associate with an idea, the more real it feels.
If I have the thought, "Maybe there's HIV on that doorknob," I'll probably not feel terribly afraid.
I'll respond to myself, "Eh... probably not," and move on.
If I had OCD, that thought might cause me to suddenly feel panicky. That fear would suggest to my brain that the thought reflects a genuine threat. Why would my mind feel so much anxiety if there wasn't some truth to the thought, right?
What I might then do, if I had OCD, would be to take efforts to not make direct contact with that doorknob. I might then wash my hands several times, with the thoroughness of a surgeon. Then, I might spend a good chunk of time telling myself that I probably didn't get HIV, looking to Google to confirm for me that people don't typically get HIV from random doorknobs.
And, if you've never experienced this sort of thing, you would think that these behaviors would lead to a sustained reduction in anxiety- an enduring calm. But you'd be so wrong.
Each of these seemingly minor efforts to self-soothe actually subtly reinforces to the mind just how meaningful the initial thought and corresponding panic were. Just like it seemed that the threat must have been real because it was accompanied by intense fear, the ongoing efforts to feel better (compulsions) also seem to support the hypothesis. Why would I have used a paper towel to open the door, washed my hands, and Googled HIV if there had been no real risk the whole time?
Ultimately, the more time and energy someone with OCD dedicates to these soothing behaviors, the more intense the anxiety becomes and the more compelled they feel to continue doing more of them. This leads to the sense that the sorts of thoughts that freak them out are constantly disturbing the waters of their stream of consciousness. The castle of their mind is constantly besieged. A dark cloud of scary thoughts follows them around all day.
In time, the anxious mind finds ways to make sense of the anxiety.
"Well, Google says no one gets HIV from doorknobs but do the scientists have data from every doorknob? What if a person with HIV had a small cut on their hand and then touched that doorknob? What if my sluggishness this morning is reflective of a super compromised immune system, making me a more prone to contracting the virus?"
OCD sort of becomes like a bully, locked in the person's mind, constantly trying to upset them by presenting scary ideas, images, and questions designed to keep them in a state of fear.
And, as many with OCD will already be aware, the sorts of things that evoke anxiety and get them locked in these sorts of obsessive spirals can change over time. Someone might experience intrusive, obsessive thoughts about contamination for a time and then find some other distressing set of thoughts take their place.
Most people think of contamination fears when they think of OCD because those are some of the easiest to visually convey in TV and movies. But because anything that would scare someone can become an obsession, many of the themes struggled with by people with this disorder are ignored or misunderstood.
Other common, complicated, difficult to talk about obsessions include:
Pedophilia
Sexual Orientation
Harming Others
Relationship Issues
Religious Themes
Existential Concepts
I happen to sub-specialize in these sorts of OCD themes so I'll be writing more about these in future blog posts.
I also happen to sub-specialize in not knowing how to wrap up any piece of writing so I'm gonna just end this now. I'll throw in some adorable pics of my dogs to make up for the abruptness of my ending.
**Louey is Brown and Lucy is black**
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